Midlandia's Third Largest City Faces Deficit Crisis

CHEATER'S HAVEN--Kate Swan Noble remembers the days when she had to drive over an hour-and-a-half to get to the nearest medical facility, located well out of her city. Noble recalls feeling astounded that her home city, the third largest in Midlandia, had absolutely no clinics, let alone hospitals.

"We were really lucky not to have any major emergencies," she said, referring to her family of three boys, and her husband Lipka. "If we had, I wouldn't have known what to do, there weren't any public ambulance services in town. It was the definition of insane!"

Those days are, fortunately, no longer for the residents of Cheater's Haven, a southside city on the verge of breaking 100,000 in population. Recently, the government of Cheater's Haven, formerly ruled by what could almost be called the law of the jungle, has seen the errors of its ways and is investing heavily in both education and health care.

Blandina Booth Hospital, one of three new large medical centers in CH, instantly was overwhelmed with patients

Mayor Alphonse Capone, who was re-elected mayor despite serving a 10-year sentence in an Industry Haven correctional facility following conviction on charges of starting Cheater's Haven to personally profit off citizens' tax revenue, has decided that he wants to eventually best the Triforce Area cities with the highest and best educated population in the region.

"We're gonna be the biggest and the best, and none of those [expletives] in IH and EH will be able to touch us again," Capone said, referring to capital Industry Haven and neighboring Eldorado Hills, the largest and wealthiest cities in the region.

Though Cheater's Haven is the most influential city in the South Cities area, the city has a number of hurdles to overcome before it can achieve Capone's new goals. First and most critical is the city's tax revenue deficit, the worst in the region, and a direct result of Capone's sudden change of heart. Prior to Capone's incarceration, Cheater's Haven had a tax surplus of $1,500 a month leading to a healthy $1 million in the city's fund. But following the founding of three new elementary schools, three hospitals, creation of a modest bus transportation system, and zoning changes in the city, Cheater's Haven has an outflow of $17.5K in expenses per month, but only takes in $13.6K in that same timeframe.

And Capone has no immediate answers to solve that shortfall.

"What we need now is more population, and more commercial investment in the city to turn this thing around," Capone said.

He is getting an answer to the first issue, slowly but certainly, as CHaven's population has grown to just over 92,000 this week. But the new residents are not nearly enough to resolve the upset tax revenue applecart, leaving city leaders scratching their heads on how to get things back in order.

Cheater's Haven's Downtown Residential District, source of most of the city's tax revenue

"The most obvious first step to correcting this problem seems to be moving to a higher density of zoning, something the city leaders have been doing, if somewhat timidly," Midlandia Regional Growth Coordinator Chevrolet Drojinsky said in a recent interview from his Eldorado Hills office. "But what Capone is really going to need to do to succeed is work hard to catch up with the Triforce in terms of commercial jobs, and fast."

Cheater's Haven has grown considerably in population despite having almost no high-density residential zones until recently. The effects are already making themselves apparent following the changes. Still, the ratio of residential zones to commercial zones appears to be slightly imbalanced toward residential, which costs the city the chance to compete directly with their peers on jobs.

"Right now, CH has less than half of the number of office and retail jobs than Industry Haven, at 23,000 to IH's 87,000," Drojinsky said. "Though IH is about more than twice the size of CH, that still tells the story that what CH needs is jobs, jobs, jobs."

Despite the problems, Capone said he's optimistic about making up that difference, despite having no plans on how to approach the issue directly.

"We're gonna bring jobs to CH, you can bet your casino dollars on it," Capone said. "We're gonna bring big, beautiful jobs to this very city."

Less enthusiastic are some longtime CH residents who were turned off by Capone's recent incarceration, and who do not trust that Capone's change of heart is permanent.

"I sense smelly things underneath the ground at the mayor's house," a resident who wished to remain unidentified told the Midlandia Gazette recently. "Ten years locked up in Industry Haven, and you're telling me he didn't once have a strategic conversation with [IH Mayor] Vlad the Putin to get him back to [Capone's] prime position? There's no way he won that re-election fair and square. Capone should have been ridden out of Midlandia on a rail."

IH Mayor Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin refused to comment for this article, but has been on record repeatedly denying any involvement in Cheater's Haven's politics.

"I've got a city of my own to run, the largest in the region, I might remind you," he said in a sit-down interview on "The Leaders Speak", CHUM-TV's weekly television newsmagazine a month ago. "I don't have time or interest to get my beak dirty poking around in Cheater's Haven's problems."

The Montfolis Neighborhood, a recently renovated district in CH

Still, charges of corrupt regional politics aside, many residents are noting the positive changes in Cheater's Haven of late, including local mother Noble.

"Finally, there's room for my three sons to go to school! That by itself is worthy of celebration!" Noble said as she sipped coffee in a little shop in the trendy Montfolis neighborhood Sunday. "Before the recent improvements, I was having to drive them downtown to the overcrowded elementary schools many kilometers away. And my oldest now gets his pick between two new private academies! Things are looking up finally."

Cheater's Haven looking south onto the sea